He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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