His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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