I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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