I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize