How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
