Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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