woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
