My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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