she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
