i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
