Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
