i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
