what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
