Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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