And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My bed smells like the plague
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
