Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
