my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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