I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
