i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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