i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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