Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
