don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
