I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
