I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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