Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
