After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm both gender and math confused
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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