Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
