I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
