It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
