his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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