Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
