from now on my penis is your penis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
