I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
