i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
