uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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