Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
