What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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