What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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