she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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