I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
