I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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