She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
