every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
