i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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