He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
