I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
