Jerry, you need to find god
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
