i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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