Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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