guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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