My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize