Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
