Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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