You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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