No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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