It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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