The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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