im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
