I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
