They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
