she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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