Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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