Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are leaves in my underwear?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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