just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
