I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
