I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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