the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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