If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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