i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
